Self Reflections

Have you ever had a moment where something so simple and seemly so innocent happen which makes you consider who you really are?  I had such a moment recently. 

Back when I was doing my big volunteer event, I had to approach two acquaintances on the committee.  One of them had something of mine that I needed to get for the ceremony I was about to present.  As I approached them, one of them was talking to the other and said something to the effect of, "Yeah, she's really good at asking for favors, but not so good about returning them."  Because I like the think the world evolves around me, I immediately thought to myself that I'd hoped they weren't talking about me.  I have no reason to think that they were, as no names were mentioned and their conversation pretty much ended right there.  I got what I needed and moved on. 

I was too busy to put much thought into it at the event, but when I got home the following day and started to unpack everything, that thought came back to me.  I did very little this year in the way of preparing for the big event this season.  Even at the event itself, I relied on others to do the majority of the work for me.  I feel incredibly bad about this, and have decided to give up the position for a less time consuming one.  I took on that position for the past four years now and am ready to move on to something different within the committee. 

That comment stuck with me for a few days, and I thought of all the ways that I did help.  I stayed after all of the meetings and helped clean up.  I also helped people load up their cars with all the things they had brought with them.  I told everyone several times at the meetings that once my portion was done with, I was done for the night and could help them do their jobs if they needed it.  Once my area was cleaned up, I helped others clean up theirs.  Even so, I couldn't forget how much help I required, and that didn't seemed to be cancelled out by the help I provided.  Not in my mind at least.  I moved on after a few days and didn't think about it again.  Until...

We have a committee wrap up meeting tomorrow.  I'll presumably be seeing those same two acquaintances.  Upon seeing the invitation, it brought it all back.  I  didn't know why this particular comment stuck with me so much and why I couldn't seem to get past it some six weeks later.  And then it hit me - I don't want others to view me in that way!  I want others to think of me as someone they can come to for help, and as long as I can feasibly provide it, that I would.

Because I'm minoring in Political Science, I received an invitation to check out a law school this coming Saturday.  I have no plans to become a lawyer, yet I'm intrigued by this school and am actually looking forward to attending their presentation.  Which brings me back to this comment made by the committee member. 

I don't have any desire to become a lawyer, but I do want to help people!  Looking back at my past job experiences, that is where I was most fulfilled personally.  My big plan had been to major in business, minor in political science.  After taking an econ class, which I hated with all the burning passion of a 1000 burning suns, and knowing I'd be required to take many, many more, I realized that this isn't what I want to do.  Fortunately, I realized it fairly early on so I wouldn't have to be taking a ton of classes that I won't ever use or need.  So now I'm considering majoring in political science. 

I'm not going to become a politician, but I could parlay that major into working with a coalition or something, where I really would be helping people!  I already have volunteer experience, at one point I was helping out two different agencies at the same time.  I really need to research this more before making a final decision.  I feel better about my future now!  :)

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