Thanks A Million Times Over

Thanks once again to everyone for your thoughts and prayers.  It really meant a lot, especially since most of my friends IRL haven't said much about it.  My father passed peacefully and my mom and I were both there.  I'm so glad because I didn't want him to die alone.

One minute he was breathing and the next, he wasn't.  I'd only been at the hospital for maybe a half hour before he died.  I told my mom it was probably wishful thinking but I almost felt like he waited for me to get there before he passed.

Source:  weheartit

He seemed to be doing a lot better on the Friday before he died.  He was still out of it and doing odd things but even so, he seemed improved from the day before.  Saturday, I went to visit him and he just stared right through me.  He didn't acknowledge my presence at all.  It was like he was asleep with his eyes open.  And Sunday, he died.

Mostly I don't feel much of anything about it other than relief.  Not so much relief for me, but for my father.  He went downhill so quickly and he never even got to start his chemo meds.  It was so hard to see him as just a shell of the man he used to be.  Sometimes I feel sad about it and I do miss him but I really thought I'd be a lot sadder.  I don't know if that's normal or if I'll feel more sad in time.  Maybe I'm unconsciously in denial or something...

I was bored at the beginning of summer and wishing I'd done summer school.  But now I'm really grateful that I had this time with him.  

Right after my dad's initial hospitalization when he found out he had cancer and before he got so bad, I had a dream about him.  In it, I was leaving school for the day and walked out into the quad area.  He and my grandfather were sitting on a bench there; I was really surprised to see them both . (Maybe because my grandfather has been dead for years and there is no bench in the quad?!)  I was walking towards them and then suddenly stopped in my tracks.  My dad was like a balloon in that he was no longer sitting on the bench but floated up into the sky and disappeared.  I thought at the time that it meant my dad would be ok.  But now I think it was my grandfather's way of telling me he wouldn't make it and that my dad was floating off to Heaven.

Source:  weheartit

A day or two ago I had another dream about my dad.  I don't really remember what happened but just before I woke up, my dad said something to the effect of, "Your mother is my successor."  WTF does that mean?  I hope it doesn't mean she's going to die soon too.

We're holding services for my dad this coming Saturday.  We waited since family is coming from out of town.

My uncle, my dad's brother, called a couple of days ago to tell us that my other uncle is in the hospital and probably won't be with us much longer.  They thought he had lukemia but he wouldn't go in for further testing because he was afraid of the results.

I hope all this stress goes away soon.  My face isn't dealing with it well at all - I'm covered in zits and I'm not liking it.  At this point, there's only a spot or two left before my face will become one great big zit in and of itself.

I hope everyone got their Doggone Dog Swap goodies out.  I've only heard from about half of you who participated so... I know I got mine out on time!  Sagira recently met up with Frankie in the furs to exchange their stuffs.  Click on her name to see what she got.  Raising Addie posted about her swap too!  I'll be doing mine tomorrow.  Whenever my boys get a package in the mail, I'm always just as excited about it as if it was for me.