Monday, November 8, 2010

R.I.P. Bob

So about 87 years ago, I graduated from high school and went directly to beauty school.  The cosmetology course was a year or so long.  I stayed with my parents for the first six months and moved to the town where the school was located for the final six months.

I had never lived on my own before and found it difficult to adjust.  Shortly after moving to my new home, a neighbor from across the street came over to introduce himself.  He invited me and my new roommate to join him and his teenage son for dinner the following evening.  That neighbor was Bob.

Maybe a month or so later, Bob's son moved to another state to live with his mom, Bob's ex-wife.  Bob was alone and had empty nest syndrome.  He just didn't know what to do with himself.  He came over a lot and when he wasn't over at my house, he was inviting me to his.

We soon became quite close.  He took me out to dinner a lot and to the movies or shopping or sometimes just out for a drive.  For the first time in my life, I felt loved.  He never once made a move on me, never!  He never asked for or expected anything in return other than my friendship.  He gave me so much more than I ever gave him.  He was interested in ME, he made time for ME, he was always on MY side no matter the situation, he always wanted to know how I felt about things, etc.  I had never experienced that before, not even really from my parents.  It was all about me. 

Eventually, several other roommates moved in to an already crowded house.  It was difficult and we often fought.  The worse the situation got, the more time I spent with Bob. 

Six months passed quickly.  Some of the roomates had moved out but I was still at war with the one that remained.  Rather than continue to be in that stressful situation, I decided to move back home.  Bob had offered to let me live with him in the spare bedroom his son had once used but I opted to move back in with my parents.  Sadly, our relationship was never the same after this.

Several months later, Bob met and married a woman rather quickly.  They had a son and lived happily ever after, or so I thought!  I'd hear from them now and again but not too often.  They divorced a few years later. 

The ex, whom I had never really gotten to know very well, somehow got my address and mailed me a letter.  The letter was quite shocking!  I wasn't aware of the divorce or what had led to it.  She said that he abused her and their son repeatedly and had even tried to kill her!  I had never seen that side of Bob and didn't know what to make of this information so I ignored it.  I didn't respond to her and wasn't sure how to get in touch with Bob as she'd said in the letter that she'd retained the house and that he'd moved out.  Many months later, she called and left me a voice mail.  I was hesitant to call her back but finally did.  She told me horror stories of the abuse she'd endured.  I didn't know whether to believe her or not.  I had never gotten to know her at all and as I said, I'd never seen that side of Bob. 

I never heard from her or Bob again.  I've thought of him from time to time and wondered if the ex's story was true.  I never took the time to track him down and I regret that now!  He was there for me at a time in my life when I truly needed someone to take care of me emotionally when I didn't know how to take care of myself.  And for that, I will remain forever grateful!

Last week, my mom showed the obituaries and pointed out a name.  She asked me, "Is that your Bob?"  It was.  I didn't cry but it upset me and I've thought about him every day since.  A lot of memories have come rushing back and I miss him. 

Where ever you are Bob, may you forever Rest In Peace!
Source:  weheartit

23 showed me some love:

Mr. Pip said...

Wow, that's a sad story. I guess I would just focus on what Bob meant to you and not worry about what his ex-wife told you. Maybe it was true and maybe not, but either way it doesn't change what he meant to you.

Your pal, Pip

Hound Girl said...

I am so sorry for the loss of Bob. Its never easy saing goodbye.

George the Lad said...

I think Pip is right you must keep the memorys of what Bob was like with you not what his ex wife has told you.
Jan and George xxx

jen said...

Wow you graduated from high school 87 years ago:)

I am sorry to hear about your friend Bob passing.
I wonder what his ex-wife said is true or not. Try to remember him the way YOU remember him.

Katie said...

What a sad story.
Bob meant a lot to you, I hope that the story that the ex told you doesn't tarnish your good memories.

Frankie Furter said...

I would say that YOUR memories of Bob are YOURS and not to be confused or colored by how others may have seen him. Charish what you had.

Melissa (A Gracious Calm) said...

I think sometimes people know different sides of different people, but it could be that his ex was just bitter. You should hold on to your memories of Bob.

the booker man said...

miss sprinkles,
mr. bob was a good friend to you, and that is a fact. there's no need to worry about the other stuff.
rest in peace, mr. bob.

*woof*
the booker man

hero said...

Each of us will leave different memories with different people on each chapter our lives... so let the good memories remain when the person is no longer with us... R.I.P Bob.

Licks, hero

♥♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥♥ said...

So sorry to hear that Bob has passed. We agree with your other commenters. Bob was there for you when you needed him, and it sounds like he was very good to and for you. That is how you should remember him.

And we also want to encourage to send in a pic or two of the pups for the calendar - we are sure they will look great.

Woos ~ Phantom, Thunder, and Ciara

Zuzana said...

What a very touching personal story...
You write it so well, it was so easy to follow it as it unfolded.
I am sorry that Bob is gone now and that you might never get your answers, but I like your attitude. You chose to remember him in your own way, as he was kind and a true friend. You can not trust what others told you about Bob, but you can trust your own experiences and recall fondly the kindness and support that he gave you.
On that note I am also so sorry to learn that you never got that kind of attention from your family...
xoxo

Life With Dogs said...

How bittersweet - this was an interesting if sad post, and one can't help but wonder what really happened with Bob. My condolences.

Cheryl, Indiana, Shingo and Molly said...

So sorry to hear about Bob. Sending big HUGS your way!

Woofs and Kisses!
The Fiesty Three

Honey the Great Dane said...

Oh Sprinkles - what a sad story! I'm sorry for your loss of Bob - in both ways - but I guess nothing changes the friendship you had so you should hold on to that. Sometimes, not that I'm condoning anything he might have done but since we don't know if the ex's story was true...some people can bring out the worst in someone whereas others can bring out the best. So maybe you brought out the best in Bob.

Hsin-Yi

♥ Sallie said...

I'm thankful that Bob was there for you in a time you needed him.

Hugs,

Cocorue said...

keep the fond memories you have of Bob and let the rest go as it does not and should not change how Bob was there for you when you needed someone.

may Bob rest in peace.

chikisses
coco and tiffy

Velvet Over Steel said...

Oh, how sad! That he's gone and that he obviously didn't find happiness later. Very sad!

You wrote a very nice tributue to him!!! I don't know what to think about he ex-wife or why she felt compelled to tell you her story. I guess you'll never know his side, so I'm glad that you kept your & appreciation of him!

Hug HUG to you my friend!!!
Coreen

Deborah said...

WOW, that is a sad story. I'm sorry for your loss. I hope to believe that he was a nice guy, like you thought and the ex was the crazy one.
xxoo
Deborah

Marianne said...

I'm sorry that you've lost a friend without a chance to get to say goodbye. I wouldn't let what his x-wife told you about him, cloud your memories of him, though. Sometimes people make things up when they're angry or upset. It sounds like you meant a lot to him.

Marianne

MAXMOM IN SA said...

Dear Sprinkles...
Thank you for finding the courage to share this story with us...it is precious to be able to read something personal about you and I am sure it took a lot to write this! So...Thank you!
I am really sorry for your loss. Her memories are hers! Yours are yours! Hold onto the good ones - it can't not be sad for you.
Surrounding you in ((Hugs)))and
Sending lotsaluv
MAXMOM IN SA

~KS said...

What a story.... So here's what I think. Even if the ex's story was true (and you'll never really know if it was or not), it doesn't matter. Every person is complex. Even the best people do not so great things now and then. Bob wasn't perfect- none of us are. But he was perfect for you, at a time you needed him most. He was kind of your angel, don't you think?
Rest in peace Bob. And thanks for taking care of my friend while you were here.

The Life of Riley said...

Keep only your memories (which are the only ones you know to be true) and forget about the rest. People cross our paths for a reason, and Bob was there when you needed a friend.

May you R.I.P. Bob.

AndreaLeigh said...

what a sad story. i wonder if it is true? what did the ex have to gain by contacting you? why would she care if you knew? weird.

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